Who am I?

That question has been brought about by my need to write a profile for my yoga teaching.  Yikes.  But there is an answer to that question than is inappropriate to a yoga profile.
First off, I'm sarcastic.  I use sarcasm as both my weapon and my shield.  There are pieces of my life that I still do not let people into.  There are (were) people in my life that I will still defend to my utmost using said sarcasm.  But a yogi shouldn't be about sarcasm.
Secondly, I'm pretty emotional.  Don't be surprised by that one.  The only emotion I'm in control of at all times - anger.  I'm pretty sure if I let that one out of the bag, there would be some damage done to people I really truly care about.  And I do not want that.  Grief, guilt, sorrow, happy...all of them I let out and on my sleeve.  Anger,  I have.  But cannot direct it at the one person I need to so it's the bystanders that need to be wary.  And a yogi should definitely not let anger guide them.
Third, yoga is not the same thing for me that it is for others.  It's not about removing myself from this cycle of living that I'm tied to because of karma.  It's about a good workout, coupled with 60-90 minutes a day that I can shut down my mind; shut down my emotions; and just be.  Yoga is in this.
The gym and exercise have been my safe place.  Yoga is a continuation of that.  It reminds me that life can be tough and when it gets tough, you just breathe through it and it'll pass.  I've been waiting on the "tough" to pass for over a year now.  I will always carry certain secrets with me.  But I know that right here, right now, is where I belong.  While religious tones of any nature are hard for me to grasp and hold to, I get that I'm not "it."

There's something more out there.  Be it a god or gods, or a guardian angel or the spirit of someone that went before.....
Something is smoothing my edges, working to calm me and working to show me that I can and will live (and love) again.

Darin has practiced yoga for over 10 years.  His original practice focused on improving his overall joint health for running and not on the full impact yoga has.  He took the steps in 2012 to reclaim his life, to reclaim his happiness and along the way, he rediscovered yoga.  That discovery reminded him of his passion to teach, to help others and to somehow, if at all possible, help someone else on their journey.
With his path into teaching, Darin believes that yoga can and should be something different for each of us - taking from the mat that which we need the most and giving back that which we do no need or want.  His energy is contagious and his love for both yoga and student shines through in his teaching.  His desire to  help others along their path is founded in hope and in the desire to lift the next up.  He stands for something and someone that is greater than all.  And Darin compares himself to a dolphin, where dolphins make everything fun.  Because after all, #workisplay and #playiswork.

The dolphin....

In the yoga classes I teach, I like to talk about various poses and what they may communicate, both in the practice and in life.  Each time I've taught dolphin pose to the classes, I come back with the same guiding principle: dolphins have fun.  A lot of fun.  For them, work is play and play is work.

As I was walking Baxter tonight, that mantra came to my mind.  And for whatever reason, the connection to dolphins was made.  I am a dolphin.  Not literally in having a blow hole and swimming daily but in the small snippet - I enjoy my job.  Wait, I FREAKING enjoy my job.

Teaching yoga classes is quite possibly some of the most fun I've ever had.  Each class is new and different and full of energy.  Each class I get to share my love for yoga with a group of students - some just starting out on their yogic journey, others experienced beyond the years I have - but they all develop a love and respect for their mat.  Sure, I may make a complete fool of myself each class because of my enthusiasm but the underlying message back from each person in each class is this - they do not want me to fail.  They have a connection to my success.  That success is their mat.
Every class I teach, I set my own intention - to communicate how much I love/respect yoga first and foremost and secondly, if the connection is made, to create that same love/respect in my students.
How many people get the real opportunity to quit their day jobs and then chase something.  When that happened to me a year ago, the only thing I knew for certain was that "X" was prompting me strongly, with visible signs, that it was time for me to move on.  I did.  I didn't know what my next step would be.  I feel fortunate to have found passion, drive, motivation and fun in my job.  I'm managing people again, which anyone I've ever managed would say is something I love.  But more importantly, I'm training people again.  I REALLY REALLY love that aspect.  To take someone's fear of dolphin and then remind them to find joy in it.  Because it's there.  Honest.  You just have to make it appear.

#workisplay #playiswork

Dharma talk, number 2

I firmly believe that people don't do enough to show others gratitude.  Being thankful for something provided by another is actually tough because it points to the one thing we have a hard time admitting - we need help.
I have to admit, I have a really bad habit.  One that solidifies my #badyogi standing but at the same time, I hope it causes the other person a moment of pause.  I tell people "you're welcome," especially when they don't thank me to begin with.  If I hold the door for someone and they just rush through, I say it; if someone asks for paper/pen/something and just grabs it away, I definitely say it.  I'm not sure it ever has the effect I want it to have but in my mind, if someone were to say it to me out of the blue, I would wonder "why'd they just say that??"  And then my mind would wrap around the manner I forgot.  My mind works differently though.
In a recent class, I walked through emotions that I associate with gratitude.  Humble, content, appreciative.  There is a difference in each of those feelings when you are on the receiving or the giving end.  Buy someone a coffee, they say thank you, you think "no big deal."  But that person has a bigger and better emotion tied to it - you thought of them when...

I think that's the underlying thread in my yoga practice and journal these days.  Thinking of others.  Hoping that in some way, shape or form, I can lift them up.  More people than I can count somehow lifted me up and out over the past year and the gratitude I feel for each of them is overwhelming.  I'm humbled to think so many people were willing to help.  And I hope, in some little way each day, I can give some of that back to the world.