What do you see when you look at me? I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer but I've had some thoughts about what some people may see. I'm not seeking confirmation or correction; I want you to think about it. No answer is required. In fact, no answer is desired.
For those that knew me as half of "X and Darin," I think they see a vivid and harsh reminder. I'm the reminder of possibly the break but definitely the death. I can't imagine people that knew X to be able to look at me without seeing his shadow, seeing his smile, hearing his laugh. One life continues on while the other ended. That's what I think people that knew us see. And for that vision, they choose to not see me.
For those that met me after the break, after the death, I think they see some hollowness, like a puzzle with a missing piece. I am missing a piece - my best friend. For 18 long months, I've carried that piece, shielded that piece from the view of others. Most people don't know what caused that rip to exist. I choose not to share it often. But I think people see an ocean crashing beneath.
I hope people see me for me. A healing man. A man that is missing that puzzle piece but has somehow found a way to carry on. I hope that anyone that knew X does see his shadow. But rather than have it be the shadow of what is missing, may it be the light of him I carry on. I have slowly, with persistence, put the puzzle together. Whichever it may be, my hope is that you know, you realize, that I am who I am because he helped me to learn, to grow. I feel like an old soul in the shell that is this body. And I hope people see the ocean crashing as strength.
I stand, because he stood.
