Politics as usual….

This post has been a long time coming.  And it comes when one state, Arizona, is poised to have a bill signed into law by the governor that specifically allows for businesses to discriminate against me because of "strongly held religious beliefs."  Seriously.  That whole clause about "separation of church and state" is completely ignored by this bill (and other bills that have thankfully been failing).  But why.  I've asked the question before "Why my sin" but that question remains unanswered.  Why do the religious right think they've been discriminated against to the degree that they have to make it legal to discriminate against me?
They haven't.  Quite frankly.  Capitalism is the rule of "I'll take my business where I want," and that's fine.  If I were to get married, I would seek out planners and caterers and cake makers that not only accept but embrace homosexual couples.  Because love is love.  I would avoid those companies that look at my sin, while serving pork or shrimp at other receptions.
But the problem with religious discrimination bills isn't just that they target me, they target us all.  Arizona, let's play a hypothetical game.  Let's say your a business owner that doesn't like "illegal immigrants."  What does religious freedom give you now - you can not serve these people of your community based on their skin color but call it some obscene rule under giving what is Caesar to Caesar (tax reference that many tea partiers unfortunately believe these immigrants pay no taxes).
It allows a protestant business owner the right to discriminate against a man wearing his kippah; or a woman wearing her veils.  Because they are different.  That's what it amounts to - legal discrimination based on someone being different than self.
We as a country have come further than this; we have more ground to cover but it's thought like this that takes us back to separate drinking fountains; the back of buses; and hate words being talked about on radio and TV by personalities that have no right to cast the first stone.
What can we do - we can show love.  We can practice respect.  We can understand that the differences we all have aren't to be feared but to be celebrated.  And lifted.

If you think Arizona is doing the right thing, tell me.  To my face.  That I'm less than you.  Chances are that you won't.  But if you're honest and you do, expect me to look at you with pity.  Because if you know me and you can't celebrate me, what kind of hate do you have in your life?

Daily...

"'X' come back."

It's been over two years.  I know that.  Fuck, do I know it.  But "'X come back'" is a phrase that for two years, I have said out loud or thought at some point.  Daily.  And with that thought of bringing him back, what could I do….

I was in a therapy group.  And I said in that group "I would do anything, including sacrificing one of you, to get him back."  While on my yogi journey that's not appropriate, the underlying statement is - I would give anything to have him back - even in the form of friend.  Someone in the group said something along the lines of "You (me) couldn't take him."  To which I thought - hell hath no fury like….

I'm coming up to the two year mark on when I scattered his ashes on a mountain over-looking the ocean.  The exact spot, only I now where.  The general vicinity, a few people know.  The spot was one that he took me to on one of our first vacations together as a couple.  It.  Is.  Beautiful.  To say the least.  He was deserving of it.

See, here's the dilemma - what if the man that you loved died.

And you (I) never stopped loving him.  I believe when he broke up with me, he took a chunk of my heart.  And I never got it back before he died.  I love the concept of love.  And many days, I think I'm capable of it.  I have fears of love though too.  And that's where my problem lies.

There is currently another.  The "boy," as I call him to people that don't know him personally, is competing against a perfect ghost.  X was a great man.  He had his faults; I have my faults; we had our faults as couple; but in my memory, he is perfect.

And the boy gets this.  He's gently, VERY gently pointed things out along my path to life again - X broke up with me; X did this…; X did that….; I did this…; I did that…

The concept of love and marriage is so amazing to me.  I get twitterpated.  (check out Bambi).  Being in love is an amazing feeling. And I hope that with the boy, or whomever comes along, I can somehow find my whole heart.  And give it back.