Loss....

"X" is on my mind again this week.  One reminder I have every month - when the child support is due. In our case, it was food for the dog and cat and the cat litter.  Plus any other treats he thought they needed.  Baxter's skateboard was never taken out of the box.  Sorry.

Baxter's food bag was emptied this morning, which means I have to buy him and the cat more.  It's obviously no big deal but it brings X to the forefront of my mind monthly.  And this reminder I'll always have.  Grateful for the memories, sad for the loss.

The other reminder of loss I've had this week came in conversation with a friend that lost someone last year as well.  I've told people this before so I may as well put it down - as a society, we do/say what we think needs to be done/said when someone passes.  Sympathy or empathy, we are there for them.  Initially.  But what society can never prepare us for is being on the "receiving" end of loss.  Whether you think five or seven stages is the logical model, that's just a model.  There's no set pattern.  And we're hit in sometimes the most odd moment with an emotion that takes us back to that point of time when we shattered.

When "S" had that moment this week, she did something that not many people can - I couldn't.  She reached out to me, someone that had been in that moment before.  And while she and I are separated by distance, in that moment, I was by her side, knowing there is nothing I can say to lessen the pain.

My advice to anyone that has a friend, family member dealing with loss is below....
     - Let them grieve how they will.  Don't try and bring out a stage.  They all happen.  With time.
     - Love them.  Unconditionally.
     - No words can fill the void.  None.  So don't try.  We just want someone by our side.  Even in silence.