I like the title of this post. I think it's an appropriate reminder of something I learned this week. But first, a little back story....
I've been wondering where my "place" in the world of yoga is and what it will look up. For multiple reasons, #badyogi is appropriate to me. I curse. Sometimes a lot but thankfully I haven't dropped the F-bomb in a class yet. I find humor in the actions of others and don't hesitate to point them out with varying levels of sarcasm. I have an ego. Zoinks. Anyone that knows me would agree. I'm not religious. At all. And fundamentally, I think religious groups and those that encourage people to live one way or another are flawed and cause greater problems than they solve. I say what's on my mind, sometimes after thinking through it, sometimes I blast it out, without a thought of what the outcome may be. I'm highly energetic and to people that don't know me well (even some that do), that energy can be overwhelming.
So for the long term, or even the short term, what is my role as a yogi? Looking at the counter of #badyogi, is #goodyogi.
I haven't cursed in a class yet because I respect the mat too much. For the time anyone spends on a mat, it's a type of sacred time. If it's religious and helping advance through this karmic cycle or just a great workout, mat time is individual. I say frequently in classes to give the mat that which you don't need - anger, fear, doubt - and take that which you do need - strength, hope, peace.
My ego is kept in check by friends, family and my own sarcasm. Yes, I may mock others. But I'm also the first to mock myself. Not from a place of ill intent but because life is funny. We all do things that at the time are ridiculous but with time (maybe even just a few seconds), there's something funny there. What's so bad about sharing laughter with the world?
I'm not religious. And I may never be again. But I am spiritual. I believe there's something more out there, I'm just not so overly confident to say what that is. Or who. I believe there has been a hand guiding me, most recently by my best friend that's gone ahead. While "X" hasn't been in my dreams lately, he has visited Baxter in the past month. And when Baxter was sick this week, I called on him to watch over our boy while I was at work. But "X" is just an angel of sorts. A spirit.
Saying what I think is often viewed as healthy because I don't keep things in, keep them bottled up. But it also means I don't really follow others. Well. Or at all.
My energy, that's actually beneficial in class. When the class starts breathing heavy, giving me that look, it ramps me up. And when I ramp up, I can help the class ramp up. Yoga can and should be exciting.
Which leads me to the frozen cheese. In a class this week, I set the intention of finding joyfulness, finding the playful and just being in the moment for what that moment was. Some asanas aren't fun; anything with a hamstring stretch causes my legs to SHOUT. And the joy in that pose, for me, is that I'm only holding it for a certain number of breaths. The end can be joyful.
After class, a student stopped me. She's from India and mentioned she has practiced and studied yoga for years. And mine was the first class that she ever felt the joy yoga can bring. We talked about our paths and destinies. We talked about our practices, what inspires us. And for 20 minutes, we were teachers of each other and students of life. As she was leaving, she brought me some cheese, still wrapped in the plastic from the manufacturer. She thanked me for giving her spiritual food and asked if she could give me some physical food.
I took it, knowing that I wouldn't eat. Not because I don't eat cheese but because in that moment, I knew my role as a yogi and I knew I have a place in the world of yoga. And her cheese gift, which has taken up prominent residence in my freezer, is a reminder to always search for the joyful, the playful and to let each moment be that - just a moment. And I think the world of yoga is most definitely big enough for this #badyogi.
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