Why?

There's a moment, every night.

Why comes to the front of my mind.  Why.

Why did my life run off the rails two years ago?

Why did it fall into a pit a year ago?

Why did it take me so long to realize "friends" may not be friends?

Why is a very tough question to answer.  As children are able to, remember the time when a child just posed that simple question to their Mom.  Repeatedly.  Eventually, the answer becomes "Because I said so."  End of story.
But it actually isn't.  The story goes on.  Where I am today is a completely different story than a year ago; than three years ago; than seven years ago.  My story is poetic in an odd way...and yet, I carry on. With life, we don't get the chance to go back and change events.  I know of a few I would change if I could.  But I can't.  They are part of the story that tells people who I am today.
Different religions say different things about my experience and this is not meant to be a religious post.  But, if the last few years would have answered, where would I be?  And why would I be there?  The outcome is changed dramatically.  From an office building tall to barefoot yogi - dramatic difference.

Why I still cry when I miss "X," I may never know.  Part of me hopes it'll always be there.  His smile.  The way he said my name.  The look in his eyes when he looked at me.  I may never know, in this lifetime, the answer to the question "Why did he leave me?"  But my story, wherever it may lead, isn't over.  And his name is the foundation of every page.

Why???  Not sure.  But he had that impact on me.